1. Sometimes a gal feels a little sexy… And this song has been doin’ a real good job of getting me there lately.

     
     

  2. Who knew that moving on would be so therapeutic?
    An end to a chapter, this one’s called Song Number Six.
    You tell me your story, I take it all in
    Every fear, every broken promise, every sin.
    I watched you bring those walls down
    I never thought you could keep me around.

    But it’s never that simple, there’s no sure way
    It’s too easy to push ourselves away.
    Give me a hug and a smile,
    I’ll see you every once in a while

    The smoke clears from my eyes
    And I think about how time just flies
    As I make my way down the winding road
    I know I’ve found my way home.
    Could’ve been lost, could’ve been hurt,
    Instead, it’s just a lesson learned.
    Could’ve been me, could’ve been you,
    The dust has settled, but to you I’ll always be true.

    Look up, I’ll be looking down
    I’ll be looking out
    I’ll be looking out.

    I’m writing my own story today
    And you’ve got your very own page.
    When you seek out a friend,
    I promise I won’t bend.

    This flame won’t burn out that easy,
    It’ll burn unconditionally
    When you feel defeated by life’s fight
    Come here, and look for the light.
     

  3. I’m turning 24 this week, and while it’s supposed to be a time of young debauchery! personal exploration! making mistakes! or whatever society or GIRLS thinks you’re supposed to be doing in your mid-twenties, I feel like 24 going on 40 and wonder why I’m not accomplished enough, settled enough, or loved enough. And although I’m an annoyingly positive person, it does take a mental toll on me sometimes.

    Then out of the blue, the universe throws out little nuggets of love like this one, and I’m reminded of how I’m surrounded by strong, unconditionally caring, beautiful people who I admire for their hard work ethic and upstanding lives. I am such a lucky girl.

     

  4. image

    image

    image

    image

    Made my way over to the Norton Simon Museum this week. If I could be reincarnated, I’d hope to be an Italian or Parisian, with access to the arts. I love Pasadena.

     

  5. It’s funny how the universe hands you a little breath of fresh air when you feel like your days are weighing you down. The past week was starting to sit on my shoulders and this text brought a genuine smile to my face. Fully appreciating another person really does come full circle, and I’m so glad I got to reconnect with this beautiful being of a friend. 

     

  6. This was an interesting read.

    While I’m hesitant to seriously take advice from a man who hasn’t been married for very long, his points are valid. I fully support this concept of individual freedom in a relationship. I’ve always thought that pairing up with someone should nurture your individuality, inspired by your partner to achieve your full potential. More often than not, I run across people who view a monogamous relationship as something that stifles them, and this I can’t quite understand. If you designate someone as being the one worthy of your time and love, shouldn’t they also be someone who encourages you to reach for the stars? Someone who recognizes the greatness of your dreams, who wants to witness the success and support you through the tougher times?

    I realize that it’s not so cut and dry. There are so many fundamental blocks to be laid out before you can fully be someone’s teammate - trust being an essential one. The only relationships I found stifling were the ones where trust was no where to be found, and in hindsight, I should’ve known that any relationship, successful or otherwise, is impossible without being able to fully trust your partner. To know that at the end of the day, no matter what might have happened, they are the one to be in your corner and you in theirs. Relationships aren’t about monopolizing another’s time or body, it’s about allowing the other person to see your cracks and imperfections, walking together through the mending process, and being able to fly away to chase your dreams, knowing that you’ll return home to your partner, excited and ready to share what you’ve learned. And in turn, excited and ready to recognize what your partner has learned. Pairing yourself with someone who is capable of having their own responsibilities and aspirations instead of latching onto yours is also imperative. You want someone who can stand strong on their own two feet to walk alongside you on your joined path, not someone you have to pull along while you trudge along your own. 

    What started out as a reflection of a simple idea doesn’t really seem so simple anymore. Stepping back into the dating scene with a fresh set of eyes and a guarded heart, there are so many things that come into consideration. Today, I reconnected with someone I was involved with briefly and in the midst of small talk, one of the first things he said was “I never should have let you go.” While I had nothing to say in return, it brought up a strange line of questions. Was I ever “his” for him “let go” to begin with? What exactly did he think he lost? Does that mean I also “let him go?” I guess these are all lessons to take into consideration for the future, so that I learn from my past on this journey forward. It’s gonna be an interesting one. 

     
  7. Very flattering when people ask if they can get my sketches tattooed on them. It blows my mind every time.

     
  8. A little dancin’ never killed anyone

     
     

  9. I have this recurring dream where I’m being drowned in a bathtub by a pair of strangely familiar hands. In it, I’m laying face up in a beautiful, gleaming off-white cast iron tub, with ornate gold feet. My hair’s swirling all around me, my eyes sting from contact with the water, my head’s about to explode from the lack of oxygen. I claw at the pair of hands holding me down by the neck, desperation forcing me to sink my nails into the strong hold that’s starting to leave bruises along my jawline. I scratch in so hard I start to see the blood seep into the water, swirling in similar patterns to strands of my hair. And yet the hands don’t move, don’t flinch, don’t budge. Not a single sign of letting go. I always wake up just as I begin to lose consciousness in the dream, and it’s a strange feeling to wake up to several times a week. Having spent years swimming endless laps in the pool, I’ve never even considered death by drowning as a possibility. What’s even stranger to deal with is the presence of fear. Fear is not an emotion I’m used to feeling, even less of an emotion I’m used to expressing. Growing up around violence then jumping into the pursuit of a career path surrounded by the sick and injured has left me cautious to say the least, callous on my worst days. I can honestly say that I’m rarely afraid, of anything really. To be drug down by these heart stopping nightmares that leave me gasping for air leaves me shaken in a way that’s totally unfamiliar to my day-to-day life. What this all means, I have no idea. A huge part of me hopes I never find out.

     
  10. selfie

     
  11. My friends drive me absolutely crazy and I wouldn’t know what unconditional caring was without them. I’m a seriously lucky girl, drowning in gratitude.

     

  12. You drunkenly spent a comical fifteen minutes trying to convince me that I should never leave you. I’m not saying it’s gonna be great. But I won’t leave. I don’t want you to leave, you explained. You were so confused when I said I couldn’t believe you, and I knew there’s no arguing with a drunk man, so I laughed it off. You think you have to protect yourself, but I’ll protect you, you insisted.

    Another thirty minutes, trying to convince me that you didn’t deserve to have someone like me in your life. You are nice to me. Why would you want to ruin your life with *this*, you asked.
    It wasn’t so comical anymore.
     Even when you’re in your inebriated state of confusion, I can’t stand to have you wallow in self-hatred. I spent the next two hours reminding you of the greatness I see in you. That I understood exactly what we have, all of its jarring, messy imperfections, no expectations. Tell me one thing you like about yourself, I threw out repeatedly. And when you failed to answer, I responded for you. You are hilarious. You are intelligent. You create beautiful music that touches people’s hearts. You finally fell asleep after allowing yourself to believe that I adored you.

    What seemed like “five or six days” to you has actually been the better part of a month straight. We’ve spent all but three, maybe four nights together since this new year began. Countless hours over the months before this. Whole days of conversations and laughs. And I can honestly say that I began to see the beautiful person I always suspected you were. What comes as the slightest surprise to me is that you still don’t know the person I am. Honesty is the one thing that keeps us in motion, and we’ve lost it somewhere along the way. I’ve never been the person who’s capable of inflicting discomfort on someone I hold near, and it’s been a plague on this little ole heart of mine. It’s funny how one slip of the text can reveal some of your true colors. I called this evening because I did want to apologize for an honest mistake. I didn’t weigh in the possibility of you proving to me, yet again, that there are shades of you that still fail to respect me as a person. And it’s definitely a hard pill to swallow, mostly because I don’t even think it’s intentional. Why this bothers me from someone who I share no real commitment with, I’m not sure.

    I know how you prefer to fall asleep. How you hate the cold. How you constantly need to occupy yourself by chewing your nails and drinking anything but water. How you like to eat late night junk food instead of meals. How you throw on your clothes in the morning just before you leave for work. How you crave attention but avoid people. How you watch movies and repeat lines you think are funny.
    You know how I prefer to fall asleep. How I walk annoyingly slowly when I’m not focused. How I hate dirty dishes in the sink. How I push people to be better. How I love the way crunchy leaves sound when I step on them. How I always forget to put my glasses on before I actually start driving. How I un-ironically like Katy Perry. 

    And yet we still haven’t figured each other out.

    And because I need to respect myself, we probably never will.

    You are really nice to me. Why? Don’t you get sick of my shit? You once asked. No, “your shit”, I can understand. The person you became when we spoke last, I cannot. Saying you don’t deserve to have me in your life is the most honest thing you’ve done. And realizing that for myself is one of the toughest decisions I’ve had to make in a long time.

     
  13.  
  14. It is weirding me out just how quickly time is passing. Can you believe that this year is almost halfway over?

     

  15. If you think LA’s all spray tans and fake boobs… You’re so very wrong.

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image

    image